The Church Lady Speaks: Stay In The House Stupid!

Updated: Apr 18


Hey babies,


It’s me the church lady. Yeah I know it’s been a while. You say you haven’t seen me In Church. Well, Chile most of us haven’t been going to church unless you live up there in Central. Lord have mercy.  So I haven’t seen y’all  either. 


Yeah, we have all had to re-group sugars because of this dreadful thing, this Covid-19.  Yes indeed! I tell you that there is a terrible thing! More than 15,000 people have tested positive, and there are almost five hundred dead across the state of Louisiana. I tell you people are dropping like flies, and I telling you no lies. It has no respect of person brothers and sisters. No sir re Bobby jr.  It is what you would call non-discriminatory. It doesn’t care about race, gender, or age. It don’t care if you got money  coming or if all your money is gone! It doesn’t care if you live downtown, in Spanishtown, Brookstown, across town or out of town. Why I think it’s name is “the devil” because that monster is running around seeking who it can devour! And it must be hungry because it’s been eating our lunch. Lord have mercy on us! Chile I’m hearing that preachers got it, and deacons got it, and their wives are getting it too.  Do you hear me?

Nah, it ain’t like the AIDS either. You don’t have to go sneaking and creeping or hotel peeping looking for it because that rascal will come looking for you!

But here’s the catch, they tell me that if you stay at home it has a hard time finding you. Yeah, yeah that’s what I said. The problem is the simpletons in our city somehow think that they are smart enough to outwit this invisible enemy. Now I already know what you’re thinking because it sounds pretty stupid to me too. Just plain dumb I tell you!  Do you know that the Governor bless his heart; has told them to stay at home, and the congressman he told them too. Yes he did. The Mayor has even asked them nicely, but nah do you think that they’re listening? Heck no! These idiots are still walking and driving and visiting and playing basketball. When the people have told them to distance themselves at least six feet from one another, but they’re to stupid to listen. Yes, I said it. Oh yes I did. I’m telling you what God Loves; the gospel truth. People are actin plumb stupid! So just believe and receive it today. Anyhow,  I guess they’d rather be six feet under than stay six feet away and stay alive. 

I mean I get it, and I know you get it with your smart selves. So why in the world can’t these other dummies get it. I mean babies we watched it on t.v. where they were piling bodies up on a refrigerated truck in Italy and all those poor little people who lost their lives in China. So can you please tell me that why by the time this here corona got over here to America; we still don’t  have a better understanding? I tell you instead of calling us America the beautiful, right now they ought to be calling us America the stupider! Because we are acting stupider than China or Italy. And Do you know that Louisiana has had almost as many people with this stuff as New York City. Can you believe that? OMG! Do you know how many people are in New York City? Chile I don’t know about y’all, but that’s enough to get my attention. And Poor New Orleans is taking a licking. Bless Um Jesus. 

As for Baton Rouge, all I’m  going to say is we need to stop running around talking about we have faith looking like fools! Faith ought to remind us of things hoped for and not the evidence that we can already see! We see dead bodies people! The good Lord gave most of us five senses, and we sure do need to use them alI right about now. I don’t know how common it is, but I do know that I likes living babies! So I’m gonna stay in my own self house and I’m going to encourage all of y’all to do the same. 

I’m not trying to scare y’all. Well maybe I am just a little bit because.it doesn’t seem like anything else is working! I mean people are dying daily so if that’s not doing it, I don’t know what else it’s gonna take! I know it’s spring time and it pretty outside, but if your eyes close none of that will matter! Crawfish will still be here next year. The malls ain’t going no where and Walmart and Target will accept your money the same way in June or July as they will today. Oh, and the church will too. In fact, you can mail in your tithes and offerings. If you want to get real fancy you can even give online. And if you can’t stand to miss a couple of Sundays from the church house; you needs to check your religion because I think you need just a little more Jesus. Don’t you know you are the church babies! Y’all don’t hear me.

As long as you got a little food and some water my darlings, you’ll be okay. Some of y’all need to loose some weight anyway. So hold on I’m almost finished. I just got a few more things to say. The first one is stay your tails at home! And stop buying up all the toilet paper! Okay now stay safe and cover up good with the blood of Jesus. Use ya oil and all that good stuff and don’t let the Corona get on ya, you hear me. And by all means don’t put it on nobody else, and keep it away from me, please.

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